Gay Love, Gay Love & More Gay Love

I actually got quite emotional looking some of these pics when I was browsing the net and looking for cool photos of happy gay guys, feels like I'm such a long way from anything like being this happy... - nice photos though, and yeh I know some are corny but you know....

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Meeting Other Guys Who Are In The Closet

Hey everyone

It's been aaages since I've posted but I've got some time now so let's get another one off the press! I'm going to try and do the blog more frequently now as I do love writing and find it quite therapeutic - also I like the feedback and people's comments on what I write, it can be interesting to share.

So I've met a few other closeted guys when out and about, some are very blatant and upfront about their situation, others are more suspect...here are a few of my experiences and thoughts:

Closet!

Married Guy

Once I met a guy in a bar and after he got me a drink he started talking about how he was down here for work for a bit and away from his wife - I knew that him owning up to it straight away pretty much meant he was looking for some fun, but I didn't want to waste his time so I guzzled the drink and got out of there! But funnily enough that's happened a couple times - I don't know why they would be so upfront about it after meeting me for 10 seconds, I guess its because they probably wont be around gay bars again anytime soon and want action (which no doubt they have starved themselves of for aaages) ASAP. He seemed like an average nice guy and I remeber thinking he looked a little nervous which was actually a bit cute, lol, mind you he was a little bit over my age range but I seem to attract all sorts and like variety so I won;t complain about getting the interest...although it was a slow night that night in the bar and he might have hit on anything with a pulse so I won't read too much into it just yet...


Six pack in the closet

I remember a time when  I met a guy who was closeted and we "hung out" for a little bit, I took his number and text him the next day but I never heard anything back - he was an awesome and really hot guy with a crazy fit body, but I realised he would never see me again as, looking back on it, I could tell he wouldn't want to allow someone to get that close to him who is a guy - It's a real shame as I suspect he wants to but can't because of where he is from and his situation (which, again, he spoke of quite candidly) - but instead of me realising he just wanted a brief thing I was taken in by the compliments and charm and niaively thought we might see each other again...silly me I guess. He was a little shorter than me, had some stubble and was Mediterranean I think - I hate it when guys want your number and then don't text you back! It was this meet which has made me a lot more careful about who I give it to.

Ye Olde Charmer

Another time was when I first hit this spot in London - this was during the very early days on me going to bars and think I'd only been to one or two before this occasion - but anyway I was there on my own and sat down with my drink next to some other guys. I think, if I remember correctly, that I saw a magazine open on the table and started to read it. One of the guys asked something about the magazine and we got talking. Turns out he lived abroad (not far at all though...) but worked even further away on another continent (I'm being so vague here but ya never know who's reading!!!). Anyhow, turns out he thought I was a rentboy, lol. I said I wasn't and he asked what I was doing in there by myself chatting to him then! I laughed and we just chatted a bit more. He said he was popping out to get some more cash (I guess because he didn't want to use his card in a gay venue) and I was comfy enough there and couldn;t be bothered to go anywhere else. He soon returned and asked about the rentboy thing again - I said no and I think he was testing the water to see if I would be interested but I would obviously never be - he soon realised and we just talked some more before I left - he said before I went that he didnt mean to offend and it was just that he's stopping over in london for a bit and wanted some action whilst he was here - he also fessed up to being married and my guess was that he had a couple kids aswell. Really nice guy and hope wherever he is he's doing OK.

gay love

The closet is not an easy place for anyone to be, and I don't think I'll be in it too much longer. I remember talking to one guy my age a year or two ago who said he would never date a closeted guy - he would have to come out or the guy wouldn't date him - when I first heard this I thought that was really harsh and thought the guy lacked empathy and understanding, but I think I've since realised that I might not date a closet case either once I'm out - because if I've taken the gamble and come out and have started to finally enjoy my life to the full, why would I want to start hiding part of it again - although I guess it would depend on the guy...

Nothing is ever black and white is it?!?!?!?!

Maybe one day things will be simple...but mind you simple is boooring ;-)

GayLadForLife

Gays & God - In 5 Minutes...

Hey everyone,

I thought I would write a little bit about gays and god ...or homosexuality and religion...however you want to put it! Gays and god makes a better title though right? Yeh knew you'd agree!

What do the monotheisms think of Gays?

Now I'm not anti-religion, and in fact I think there may be a God out there of some kind, but I prescribe more to the deist idea of God (ie that there was a prime mover who perhaps started everything but who doesn't intervene in the world) rather than the theist notion of God (who apparently intervenes in human affairs and cares about what we do and who we do it with).


Traditionally, the world's 3 major religions have always disliked gays. Orthodox Judaism still clings to the notion that it is wrong although Reformist Jews have come around a little, Christinaity seems to be a bit of a mixed bag these days with more denominations accepting it (although the biggest - Catholics - still aren't fans) and Islamic cultures, for the most part, unfortunately remain as contemptful as ever.





Any Chance?

  

I'm aware of metropolitan churches that pop up in urban cities across the West which cater for and accept the gay community - I'm not quite sure how they square this with those famous lines in Leviticus or the Sodon & Gomorrah story from the Old Testament or the Romans passage in the New Testament but if they are accepting and give people community and spirituality which they are after, then thats an improvement!

I still don't get how the bible/old testament tells you how to keep slaves when EVERYONE knows slavery is wrong, or how God can be described as a "jealous" God in the Old testament - what a petty human emotion for him - or how if almost everyone now accepts we evolved, then why is the dcotrine of original sin still relevant? adam never bit an apple so now what? Anyone?  

Are Gays less religious than straighties?

I done a quick Google search asking this and didn't find too much, but I think it could be true if you are talking about being religious in the traditional sense. In my experiences I have found more talk of 'spirituality' than of 'religion' in gay culture - which shouldn't really come as a big surprise owing to the hostility the religious among our society has directed towards gays.

I think everyone has a yearning, or a desire, that there be something beyond this world. If we really cease to exist what is the point of life? Are we owed an explanation? It feels like we are because we have cognition and love explanations - we even make bad ones up when we don't know the facts. We don't like knowing that one day we will die. I thought about this the other week but realised what is the alternative? To live forever? Not sure I would want that either...think about it...what would be the point of doing ANYTHING? We would be forever trapped and there would be no ultimate anything...not even death! And no mystery!



God (disclaimer - probably not God)

 

 

Aren't there bigger things to worry about than the gays?

If a God does exist, and lets just say for arguments sake that he doesn't like the gays, wouldn't there be other things on his mind? Like the rich ripping off the poor? Like global warming? Like serious criminals? Why is gay stuff so important in light of all of this - its really very trivial in my opinion and in past cultures it wasn't even a big deal (see ancient greece/romans). I just can't see how two adult men or women who like each other and want to enjoy each other's company socially and romantically is anything that bad - in the abstract its really not - hence why most opponents to gay things have a "moral" thing against it based on some weird superstition or cult (I used the word cult there in stead of religion - lol - much difference though???)



Greed - Gordon Gecko much? 



Contributions from Intellectuals

Gore Vidal:

"The great unmentionable evil at the center of our culture is monotheism. From a barbaric Bronze Age text known as the Old Testament, three anti-human religions have evolved — Judaism, Christianity, Islam. These are sky-god religions. They are, literally, patriarchal — God is the Omnipotent Father — hence the loathing of women for 2,000 years in those countries afflicted by the sky-god and his earthly male delegates. The sky-god is a jealous god, of course. He requires total obedience from everyone on earth, as he is in place not for just one tribe but for all creation. Those who would reject him must be converted or killed for their own good. Ultimately, totalitarianism is the only sort of politics that can truly serve the sky-god's purpose."

Now I don't know much about Gore, but I thought it was an interesting quote. The language is quite strong in that he calls it the "great unmentionable evil". Nice pic too - I like old fashioned pics like this one.



Bertrand Russell:

"And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that he would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt his existence"

I love Bertrand Russell - I don't know much about the guy but his accent is excellent and he seems quite witty and a little eccentric - good qualities which make for an interesting character. He was asked once what he would say if he died and came face to face with the Christian God and replied "Sir, you didn't give me enough evidence..." - gotta give the guy credit if he says that - or not if God's reading this....lol 



Christopher Hitchens:

"Religion comes from the period of human prehistory where nobody—not even the mighty Democritus who concluded that all matter was made from atoms—had the smallest idea what was going on. It comes from the bawling and fearful infancy of our species, and is a babyish attempt to meet our inescapable demand for knowledge (as well as for comfort, reassurance, and other infantile needs). Today the least educated of my children knows much more about the natural order than any of the founders of religion"



Hitchens was a great debater and you can see some of them on Youtube. He interestingly described himself as an anti-theist (that is - someone who dislikes a theist-type God, not just lacking belief in him) - in his mind religion represented the ulitmate totalitarianism and surrender of the mind. This guy was entertaining and a real character.

In Summary...

In my mind I just can't accept that a God would make people gay and then punish them for it. Any gay guy who has struggled with his sexuality knows that it is not a choice who you fancy and are attracted to - it is simply just attraction. So I'm not convinced that God would punish gays for it. I grew up somewhat religious like most people in England but not overtly so, and part of me still clings to it as childhood indoctrination is very powerful, and part of me wouldn't hate the idea that there is more to life than this world, but unfortunately there is no evidence for anything beyond this life - I guess folks we will just have to wait and see...any feedback or thoughts welcome though!

Was that 5 minutes? Let's say yes!

Thanks People!

GayLadForLife

;-)

Girls Girls Girls!

Hey all

Here are a few mighty fine girls that I have a bit of a crush on, despite being gay - well looking at these girls maybe I'm 1% straight or something! They are HOT.

Cassie

Jourdan Dunn

Naomi Capbell



Cheryl Cole

Emily Blunt

That's all folks!

Bye!

Does Gay Love Really Exist?

Hey all

Time for my posts to get a little deeper - I thought I would tackle love! Does 'gay love' really exist in the world? A common stereotype for gay people is that they don't have meaningful long lasting relationships - is it really easier for a heterosexual couple to fall in love than a homosexual one?

Well, first thing's first, I've never been in love and to be honest I doubt I will be anytime soon. The thought of it is exciting though. I've definitely really fancied some guys but I don't think I've seen enough of any one guy in order for me to develop stronger feelings for them - a problem of still not being out and not willing to consistently put myself out there. However, I've seen gay couples when out and about and I always think its really sweet when they show affection for one another. I remember once seeing a guy greet his boyfriend on the platform at Brighton station - when his boyfriend got off the train and walked up to him he genlty placed his hand at the bottom of his boyfriend's back and held it there for a little while (long enough to let me know they were gay!) and ushered him along whilst cheerfully walking away. They were quite masculine guys and I don't know if they usually limit their displays of affection in public but I remember thinking what a subtle way to discreetly care for his partner when they both know they might have been stared at if they were to properly embrace.

There are many stereotypes which people recklessly apply to a gay adult man but one that I find particularly offensive is the one that he is cruisey and would rather sleep around town than have a real monogomous relationship. I don't know how this steroetype was formed - probably to demonise gays in past decades and associate them with promiscuous activity. I can say however that I have met gays that are this way, but also many that aren't and are repelled at the thought of having one night stands.

 

How do we define 'love'? An Oxford web definition states that it is 'a strong feeling of affection'. That definition seems a bit lacklustre to me... I don't know about you but when I think of love I think of my mood being lifted at the thought of seeing someone, not wanting a night to end when we're together or just remeniscing over past experiences together - but hey that's all a bit academic at the moment. I guess I'm a bit of an old romantic! Who knew...

Is it true that there is less pressure for gays to stay together than straights? More often than not they don't have to "stay together for the kids" and because society still doesn't really expect them to achieve any significant length in their commitments to each other there is less pressure for them to continue with one another if they feel they are not suited anymore. But I don't think I would go as far to say that they haven't got as much to lose, life isn't always measured in offspring and joint mortgages!

How does the media depict gay love? Unfortunately gay relationships and love scenes in tv shows and movies are still deemed somewhat contraversial. God knows why. They are as natural as heterosexual ones. I remember when a gay storyline in Eastenders (a UK soap) between Christian and Syed featured a scene where they were both lying in the same bed. Some people complained apparently. No doubt these are the same people who cry that they are "protecting the children" and "not homophobes". Homophobes take many forms, the obvious one is the thug in the street but a more subtle one is the person who fires off an email to the BBC for a simple gay scene in a soap.

If I ever fall in love I hope it will be like how it is in the movies, but unforunately I'm all too aware that life is more complex and things rarely follow the light hearted comedic plots of rom-coms. To be able to feel so much for another man would be pretty great, and whenever I hear about gay guys getting married or having been together for X many years I always secretly cheer them on and hope the best for them...to do so explicity amongst some people I know may cause an argument...but that argument is one which I'm thinking I want to have soon, as some people just need to wake up and smell the croissants! lol OK I promise to never say that again...anyway

So, returning to the question, the answer is...NO. There is no such thing as "gay love", it doesn't exist I'm afraid - just as "straight love" doesn't exist. There is only "love". The answer was obvious from the outset, but through the convolusions of this post I had to explore a little more widely. I guess it sounds cheesy to say it doesn't matter whether the love is between a man and a woman or two men (or two women) but its true. If two people love each other then I think that's pretty awesome and life is too short to worry about the bigotry of others. More and more I'm realising that you've got to fight for what you want in this world because some people somewhere are constantly trying to screw you over and trying to get theirs and so you've got to get yours!
 

So here's to all the lovers out there! Have a drink on me!

GayLadForLife   ;-)

Gay Marriage or Marriage Equality?

Hey people!

There's been a lot in the news about "gay marriage" and I thought I would share a few of my thoughts on it.

Here in the UK "civil partnerships" were introduced not long ago to seek to address the unfairness in the legal system against us gays. It is true that civil partners have many of the same rights as married spouses, however the creation of a separate insitution for gays seemed to set them aside (as if we havn't been marginalised enough) from the rest of society - and I do believe the label of marriage is an important one. Some opponents say equality of substance is what matters and not the form it takes, but I'm not convinced.

Also, I do prefer people campaigning for "marriage equality" instead of "gay marriage" - the use of language is often underestimated and gay rights activists have done the right thing in changing the terminology of their cause from the latter to the former. "Gay marriage" alludes to a homosexual alignment to an institution made (apparently) for heterosexuals, whereas "marriage equality" pertains to a notion where marriage is an institution which should be open to all and not discriminate against those who happened to love members of their own sex. It is a fine distinction but I feel an important one.

(FYI - I love pictures of happy gay guys, it gives me hope that I will be one of them one day so thought I would share the one above!)



Furthermore I really don't get calls to put the issue up for a vote which has been the case in some places, since when should human RIGHTS be put to a vote? Rights exist to protect everyone and especially the minority against the majority - which is why it makes no sense to vote on them in my opinion.

Most of the arguments against gay marriage just don't make sense. I hear several ones over and over again:

1 - Allowing gay couples ot get married will devalue the institution
Hmmm, no not really. How so? How would me being married to another man change any heterosexual couple's marriage? It won't at all. Often people accompany this argument with "marriage is a union between a man and a woman" - this often is said by the far-right religious and religion is another matter all together lol - but basically civil law should not, and cannot, revolve around religious doctrines for obvious reasons.

2 - If that gets legalised, whatever next? polygamy? etc
Eh? Where did that come from? Not from any reasoned or rational place that's for sure...fyi people were saying the same thing when  interracial marriage was "contraversial" - grow up and form a proper argument

3 - There is no purpose for gays to get "married" - they can't procreate
So??? Just because in most marriages children are conceieved it does not make them necessary to make it valid...if it did then I guess we should be banning old people from getting married...and test the fertility of all straight couples before they sign the marriage certificate....

I don't know if I would ever get married to a guy, but I would like the option and I would like to know that gays are not discriminated against by not being part of such a mainstream institution. Here in the UK the conservatives (weirdly enough) have said that they wanted to introduce it but some bigots in the house of commons have sought to undermine this and slow down, or halt altogether, its progression. I'm happy to hear however that Scotland will be introducing it soon and that more and more US states are legalising it - although I think if we are talking of human rights that should really be done at federal level, not state level - but hey I guess its progress of a kind. There are also many campaigns out there right now which are going strong and which I hope will make a difference, bit by bit we can fight for equality and let society know that us gays are just like everyone else and just want to be happy and free to share our lives with the ones we love.

Thanks for reading, follow/subscribe if you like...be the first lol

GayLadForLife