Gay Marriage or Marriage Equality?

Hey people!

There's been a lot in the news about "gay marriage" and I thought I would share a few of my thoughts on it.

Here in the UK "civil partnerships" were introduced not long ago to seek to address the unfairness in the legal system against us gays. It is true that civil partners have many of the same rights as married spouses, however the creation of a separate insitution for gays seemed to set them aside (as if we havn't been marginalised enough) from the rest of society - and I do believe the label of marriage is an important one. Some opponents say equality of substance is what matters and not the form it takes, but I'm not convinced.

Also, I do prefer people campaigning for "marriage equality" instead of "gay marriage" - the use of language is often underestimated and gay rights activists have done the right thing in changing the terminology of their cause from the latter to the former. "Gay marriage" alludes to a homosexual alignment to an institution made (apparently) for heterosexuals, whereas "marriage equality" pertains to a notion where marriage is an institution which should be open to all and not discriminate against those who happened to love members of their own sex. It is a fine distinction but I feel an important one.

(FYI - I love pictures of happy gay guys, it gives me hope that I will be one of them one day so thought I would share the one above!)



Furthermore I really don't get calls to put the issue up for a vote which has been the case in some places, since when should human RIGHTS be put to a vote? Rights exist to protect everyone and especially the minority against the majority - which is why it makes no sense to vote on them in my opinion.

Most of the arguments against gay marriage just don't make sense. I hear several ones over and over again:

1 - Allowing gay couples ot get married will devalue the institution
Hmmm, no not really. How so? How would me being married to another man change any heterosexual couple's marriage? It won't at all. Often people accompany this argument with "marriage is a union between a man and a woman" - this often is said by the far-right religious and religion is another matter all together lol - but basically civil law should not, and cannot, revolve around religious doctrines for obvious reasons.

2 - If that gets legalised, whatever next? polygamy? etc
Eh? Where did that come from? Not from any reasoned or rational place that's for sure...fyi people were saying the same thing when  interracial marriage was "contraversial" - grow up and form a proper argument

3 - There is no purpose for gays to get "married" - they can't procreate
So??? Just because in most marriages children are conceieved it does not make them necessary to make it valid...if it did then I guess we should be banning old people from getting married...and test the fertility of all straight couples before they sign the marriage certificate....

I don't know if I would ever get married to a guy, but I would like the option and I would like to know that gays are not discriminated against by not being part of such a mainstream institution. Here in the UK the conservatives (weirdly enough) have said that they wanted to introduce it but some bigots in the house of commons have sought to undermine this and slow down, or halt altogether, its progression. I'm happy to hear however that Scotland will be introducing it soon and that more and more US states are legalising it - although I think if we are talking of human rights that should really be done at federal level, not state level - but hey I guess its progress of a kind. There are also many campaigns out there right now which are going strong and which I hope will make a difference, bit by bit we can fight for equality and let society know that us gays are just like everyone else and just want to be happy and free to share our lives with the ones we love.

Thanks for reading, follow/subscribe if you like...be the first lol

GayLadForLife

Some cool (and hot!) celebs!

Hey Guys n Girls,

Thought I'd share some thought and pics of awesome/hot/cool/guys I fancy/celebs (lol):

Tyson Beckford

This guy is so hot and just oozes style, and seen him on tv couple times a real nice guy too I think.

Paul Walker

This guy definitely made Fast & Furious a whole lot better!

Armoury Nolasco

This guy is so cool and nice I would probably marry him if given the chance lol, here's another pic just becuase he is so cool!

Eric Dane

Need I say anymore? No...fyi eric keep the hair short, when its longer you look a lil sleazy - ok I take it back do whatever!

Ryan Phillipe

Cool dude - lookin a lil gangsta here too, he's obviously listening to his beats n felt really G so took of his shirt - no complaints here man

Idris Elba

When I first saw this guy on the office and he said "i'm aware of the effect I have on women" I thought yeh but are you aware of the effect on guys too? lol, he must be by now, if not I'll tell him!

David Boreanaz

Just found this pic...O...M...G - nuff said.

Shia LeBoeuf

Nice eyes mate - keep up the cool movied!

And that is all for this post, hope u guys enjoyed the list - those...basically...are the celebs I fancy! Not an exhaustive list by any means but whatcha think? good taste in guys? I think so!

#CiaoForNow

Is The Gay Scene Superficial?

Hey guys n gals!

I thought I would write a little about how I pereceive the gay scene in London/Brighton and whether it really is as superficial as it seems.

Parts of the gay scene are definitely extremely superficial - and these are the parts that the gay world is known for as it is the most full on and in your face. Many bars are decorated with pictures of hunky shirtless guys looking at you with one eyebrow raised and have muscle dudes beehind the bar waiting to take your order - it all looks very nice and makes everyone a lil horny no doubt. But I wonder what the cost of this is - I remember reading a study done on the mental health of gay men and how some tend to have more anxiety/body dysmorphic disorders - I think this may result from the pressure to look like all the gay guys we see in magazines - regular guys with a bit of a belly and who are balding a bit can still be sexy I think - I find it is more about a guy's attitude quite often than just what they look like - I would much rather spend time with a funny and/or interesting guy than a hot muscle dude who has nothing to say and is checking everyone out all the time.

I've also found it weird how the gay community treats porn stars. Straight porn stars don't go to a big straight nightclub and try and DJ whilst signing stuff for "fans", but gay ones seem to all the time! They are basically worshipped for what they look like and what they can do with their dicks.

When I heard about Erik Rhodes - the gay pornstar who died of heart failure after using drink and drugs to dangerous levels - it made me really sad. Apparently he had had a blog on tumblr or something and it was called "my relationship with misery", this man who had everything most gay guys want - good looks, a big member and lots of money - still longed for something more in his life. I wonder how many times he thought about all of this stuff to himself and how he so wanted to be happy - probably too many for most to handle - he seemed like a really nice guy.

When I first went out on the scene by myself it was quite full on. There were transvestities walking around entertaining people and very flamboyant characters were everywhere. It seemed the gay-ness was very in your face and non-stop - I guess that's to be expected in some of these places looking back - I know now the huge variety there is on the gay scene but back then those first few bars I went to were all about the superficial. Indeed, seeing the poles on the dancefloor in one club made me laugh, I thought oh god these guys don't hold back do they! Also, something else I learned very quickly - it is way more fun if you go out with friends - although this is hard for someone closeted like me - it really can make the difference on a night out and the time I have been in a group are the times when I've met more people and been more relaxed.

Leaving bars to one side, I have also been to some really nice and relaxed gay pubs, which I guess are technically part of the scene still but you tend to find older guys there and not loads of young camp guys - I think after my brief time on the scene I'm starting to gravitate more towards pubs than clubs and bars - I like being able to talk to a guy and thumping music can make that very hard at times! That's not to say I won't be going to bars and clubs in the future - I do like to dance and they can be really fun - but I think that when I'm in my 30s you will have better luck seeing me playing darts in a pub then downing shots off a bar.

The attitude some gays have at these places is horrible - when they pick people apart for not looking a certain way, whenever I have been with someone who starts mocking a chubby guy in the room, or whispering about "the ugly guy over there" I'm immediately turned off by them - growing up I knew some people that struggled with how they look and taking the mick out of someone for something they can't control is so sad - I think I'm an average looking guy and get enough attention to be happy but just don't get why some guys feel the need to do that. Luckily enough, I think I can suss these guys out quite quick and so tend not to involve myself with them - life is too short.

So, do I think the gay scene is superficial? Yes, definitely! But that's not all it is. It's true that having half naked handsome guys everywhere gets us interested because it appeals to our animal instincts of attraction and lust, but behind every muscled up shirtless guy in a club is someone just like you and me - who no doubt has all the insecurities of everyone else and is fearful of the things we all fear - growing old alone, not finding true love, and not being accepted.

I know that was a bit of a random and disjointed piece (I am improving slowly! trust me!), but what do you think?

GayLadForLife

My evening out in soho...

Hey guys,

So last saturday I had an evening out in Soho, didn't end up staying out all night and going clubbing, but might do next time...anyway this is basically how it went.

I took the train into London, thinking on it where I would go and who I would meet. I never really decide anything before I get there as I think trying to always plan for a perfect or fun night can make it too structured and non-spontaneous - and some of the best nights out I've had have been when I've changed my mind on where to go last minute.

So I went to this little gay bar I frequent every so often, is quite nice and I go there at times when its not particularly busy. I get my drink and wonder around a little bit before sitting down at the bar - I chilled out for a bit whilst having my drink and seeing who walked in and out - people watching can make time go really quick! Then I got up and saw this really cute guy walk past me, I didn't wanna be obvious but after he walked past I turned around to see where he was going and funnily enough he turned around at the same time to see me again too! I thought 'he's nice' and smiled at him, he smiled back but kept on walking the other way. I thought to myself I hope he comes back sometime...and sure enough I saw him again a few minutes later - this time he was giving me eye contact, and every gay guy knows that its all in the eye contact when guys are out and about, so I gave it him back and we ended up chatting a little. Next thing I know I'm making out with the guy and I was seriously proud of myself as he was really hot and a great kisser - haven't been kissed like that in ages and was thinking how hot is this! I kept opening my eyes during the kiss to check him out lol.
We talked more afterwards and shared a drink, just about random stuff really, how one of his friends has a new man who is a bit off with him and me wanting to move to london and get a new job/career. He asked what I was doing later and I said I wasn't sure but was gonna head to another gay bar no doubt, he had plans with his friends and so scarpered - I thought about asking for his number but I gather he's quite an out and proud guy and even if we met up again I worry it would be too full on - but nevertheless was a great start to my night out!
So I jumped on the tube and exited at Picadilly Circus - the station I always get out at to go around Soho, I'm quite proud that I know my way around the west end a little now, starting to feel more like a local than a tourist which is cool!

Next I was at a popular gay bar in Soho - had a couple of drinks by this point and was chatting to a couple of people around me, it's always quite nervewracking starting random conversations with people when you are out by yourself but I've found most guys are quite nice and as long as you don't impose yourself on people they are always friendly. After I got another drink a guy was trying to talk to me from across the bar, he was indicating that the barman fancied me - I guess he must have been friends with the barman and was just joking around - he signed to me asking whether I fancied him back. I initially didn't get what he was trying to say and so just shook my head but then I realised that looked as though I was saying I didnt fancy him and quickly nodded towards him and his mate basically saying the barman was quite nice - his mate laughed. I got talking to some mature students who were really nice guys and we chatted for a while but I didn't really fancy them in any way. By this time I was thinking about going home, it had been a long day and if I was going to stay out it would require me to be more hyped and excited than I was - but I figured I would go to one more place to get a drink since I was here.

So I went to another bar and on my way to the toilet I walked past this guy I had met on a previous night out. I think I met this guy about a year ago and have seen him a couple of times since but we have never talked to each other again really after we first met - you can probably guess why...I thought 'oh god why do I keep running into you', we had messed around together before and I think we both wanted to leave it at that - it was a bit awkward and it made me wanna get out of there because I thought if his mates are here too I don't want to be talked about and be watched from afar by this guy, even though he probably wouldn't do such a thing it just made me think going home was the only thing to do now, I wasn't having much luck and was tiring fast...

So then I rushed back to the station just in time to get the last train home! Ofcourse getting a burger king on the way back and sitting in 1st class even though I didn't have the appropriate ticket (i know im such a rebel right!)

All in all not a bad evening out, making out with that hot guy made it worth it! But I'm starting to wonder how long I can do this, ie. just going out by myself to a couple of gay bars and hoping to meet some nice fellas who I may wanna see again, before I tire of it. I keep thinking this is just to tie me over until I come out and then I can get to know some guys better and become friends with them - but I'm still not ready.

So there we are, not as good as past ones have been but deff not the worst! Some of the nights out I've had have been seriously embarassing as a new gay guy on the scene but I'm starting to get a little experience under my belt now and know my way around a lot better than before!

Any comments/feedback welcome - whoever you are!

Till next time folks

GayLadForLife