Meeting Good Gays Seems So Hard...

Hey everyone,

So it seems I've settled now in London, I'm really liking my new place and the variety that London brings to life. In fact it has been very tiring at times as I've been constantly meeting friends or going out exploring or going out exercising etc - its great but can tire you out so have also had to take a day or two breathers and just vegetate on my bed and watch movies online.

I have been out and about in Gay London a couple of times but it seems so hard to meet good gays - and by that I mean gays who aren't scene queens or just after the old hanky panky, Over the last year I have met a few gooduns but through circumstance each time I haven't been able to hold onto them.

Sometimes I often feel like the gay world isn't for me - when I go to some of these bars I feel a bit alien in that if it wasn't for me being gay I wouldn't be there, they are loud, some very camp, with expensive (rip off) drinks and guys looking you up and down every time you walk past. I only go to chat to gay guys and hopefully find some cool guys I would want to hang out with but that doesn't seem to happen very often. But when it has happened I had some really nice times - totally worth all the downers it took to get there! Imagine if I could feel like this most of the time with a good gay and supportive network? Would be awesome!




OK if I saw this guy out and about I would definitely ask him out...after having a few shots!


I went to a gay club the other day (I hardly ever go to these - ever) and it was...well...horrible. I went with a couple others and it was very cliquey, there was attitude seeping out of the walls, druggies dotted around the place and it just wasn't a relaxed atmosphere - felt a bit tense to me. Won't be going back there again.....

London has so much to offer, and I'm trying to take full advantage of being here, but its hard as I think I have too fixed an idea of what I'm looking for - perhaps I just need to chill the fuck out and get over all this gay stuff, but its a big part of me and something I want to explore further so I guess that isn't an option - not completely anyway - and tbh I've been trying to close off the gay part of me for years and needless to say it doesn't work!

I could join some gay social groups in London but they make me cringe a little due to them being all "im gay and here to meet other gays because im gay so lets be gay together" it just feels ... too ... gay? I know that doesn't sound very politically correct and I acknowledge its nonsense but I guess I'm just trying to live the gay life on the DL and have it a la carte - ok that was a very gay thing to say so I'm going to wrap this up before I divulge how I recently couldn't help but click on a kim kardashian link on google - I swear I'm not that camp or anything but she makes hilarious tv lol

Cheers fellaz - and if anyone has any suggestions about where to meet nice genuine fellas in London let me know! I'm serious!

GayLadForLife ;-)

Gays & God - In 5 Minutes...

Hey everyone,

I thought I would write a little bit about gays and god ...or homosexuality and religion...however you want to put it! Gays and god makes a better title though right? Yeh knew you'd agree!

What do the monotheisms think of Gays?

Now I'm not anti-religion, and in fact I think there may be a God out there of some kind, but I prescribe more to the deist idea of God (ie that there was a prime mover who perhaps started everything but who doesn't intervene in the world) rather than the theist notion of God (who apparently intervenes in human affairs and cares about what we do and who we do it with).


Traditionally, the world's 3 major religions have always disliked gays. Orthodox Judaism still clings to the notion that it is wrong although Reformist Jews have come around a little, Christinaity seems to be a bit of a mixed bag these days with more denominations accepting it (although the biggest - Catholics - still aren't fans) and Islamic cultures, for the most part, unfortunately remain as contemptful as ever.





Any Chance?

  

I'm aware of metropolitan churches that pop up in urban cities across the West which cater for and accept the gay community - I'm not quite sure how they square this with those famous lines in Leviticus or the Sodon & Gomorrah story from the Old Testament or the Romans passage in the New Testament but if they are accepting and give people community and spirituality which they are after, then thats an improvement!

I still don't get how the bible/old testament tells you how to keep slaves when EVERYONE knows slavery is wrong, or how God can be described as a "jealous" God in the Old testament - what a petty human emotion for him - or how if almost everyone now accepts we evolved, then why is the dcotrine of original sin still relevant? adam never bit an apple so now what? Anyone?  

Are Gays less religious than straighties?

I done a quick Google search asking this and didn't find too much, but I think it could be true if you are talking about being religious in the traditional sense. In my experiences I have found more talk of 'spirituality' than of 'religion' in gay culture - which shouldn't really come as a big surprise owing to the hostility the religious among our society has directed towards gays.

I think everyone has a yearning, or a desire, that there be something beyond this world. If we really cease to exist what is the point of life? Are we owed an explanation? It feels like we are because we have cognition and love explanations - we even make bad ones up when we don't know the facts. We don't like knowing that one day we will die. I thought about this the other week but realised what is the alternative? To live forever? Not sure I would want that either...think about it...what would be the point of doing ANYTHING? We would be forever trapped and there would be no ultimate anything...not even death! And no mystery!



God (disclaimer - probably not God)

 

 

Aren't there bigger things to worry about than the gays?

If a God does exist, and lets just say for arguments sake that he doesn't like the gays, wouldn't there be other things on his mind? Like the rich ripping off the poor? Like global warming? Like serious criminals? Why is gay stuff so important in light of all of this - its really very trivial in my opinion and in past cultures it wasn't even a big deal (see ancient greece/romans). I just can't see how two adult men or women who like each other and want to enjoy each other's company socially and romantically is anything that bad - in the abstract its really not - hence why most opponents to gay things have a "moral" thing against it based on some weird superstition or cult (I used the word cult there in stead of religion - lol - much difference though???)



Greed - Gordon Gecko much? 



Contributions from Intellectuals

Gore Vidal:

"The great unmentionable evil at the center of our culture is monotheism. From a barbaric Bronze Age text known as the Old Testament, three anti-human religions have evolved — Judaism, Christianity, Islam. These are sky-god religions. They are, literally, patriarchal — God is the Omnipotent Father — hence the loathing of women for 2,000 years in those countries afflicted by the sky-god and his earthly male delegates. The sky-god is a jealous god, of course. He requires total obedience from everyone on earth, as he is in place not for just one tribe but for all creation. Those who would reject him must be converted or killed for their own good. Ultimately, totalitarianism is the only sort of politics that can truly serve the sky-god's purpose."

Now I don't know much about Gore, but I thought it was an interesting quote. The language is quite strong in that he calls it the "great unmentionable evil". Nice pic too - I like old fashioned pics like this one.



Bertrand Russell:

"And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that he would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt his existence"

I love Bertrand Russell - I don't know much about the guy but his accent is excellent and he seems quite witty and a little eccentric - good qualities which make for an interesting character. He was asked once what he would say if he died and came face to face with the Christian God and replied "Sir, you didn't give me enough evidence..." - gotta give the guy credit if he says that - or not if God's reading this....lol 



Christopher Hitchens:

"Religion comes from the period of human prehistory where nobody—not even the mighty Democritus who concluded that all matter was made from atoms—had the smallest idea what was going on. It comes from the bawling and fearful infancy of our species, and is a babyish attempt to meet our inescapable demand for knowledge (as well as for comfort, reassurance, and other infantile needs). Today the least educated of my children knows much more about the natural order than any of the founders of religion"



Hitchens was a great debater and you can see some of them on Youtube. He interestingly described himself as an anti-theist (that is - someone who dislikes a theist-type God, not just lacking belief in him) - in his mind religion represented the ulitmate totalitarianism and surrender of the mind. This guy was entertaining and a real character.

In Summary...

In my mind I just can't accept that a God would make people gay and then punish them for it. Any gay guy who has struggled with his sexuality knows that it is not a choice who you fancy and are attracted to - it is simply just attraction. So I'm not convinced that God would punish gays for it. I grew up somewhat religious like most people in England but not overtly so, and part of me still clings to it as childhood indoctrination is very powerful, and part of me wouldn't hate the idea that there is more to life than this world, but unfortunately there is no evidence for anything beyond this life - I guess folks we will just have to wait and see...any feedback or thoughts welcome though!

Was that 5 minutes? Let's say yes!

Thanks People!

GayLadForLife

;-)

Revealing myself to an astute stranger...

Hey everyone,

Recently I've had one of the most honest conversations of my life...

This guy approached me in a bar in London when I was sitting by myself, and we started talking and hit it off quite well. He was visiting the city and was having a few drinks to see the evening out. So a couple hours passed and the conversation flowed quite easily, and he asked for my number so I gave it to him.

He text me a couple days later (or was it the next day... not sure...) and we exchanged a good few texts about random things and agreed we should meet for another drink.

We met a few times over the course of a week and on the final meeting (as he was not going to be around here for a while after this time) we had a really random but honest conversation about where we were both at in terms of what we wanted from life and being gay.

I swear this conversation made me really nervous at first - this guy was quite bold and was very intuitive so I would have to do be on my toes to get anything past him - but I didn't mind after the first few minutes as I thought 'screw it' and laid all my cards on the table. I said to him no one knew about my situation - not family or friends - and that I had never been this honest with any guy before.

Soon he asked me a question - "What are you doing here" - and at first I was a bit surprised someone would ask such a question on an evening out, but he elaborated and was essentially asking "What is it that I was looking for", and I found out he wanted to know because he knew why he was there. He told me he was sick of meeting guys and having one night stands, and that he was looking to make meaningful connections with people - in whatever form that may take. I ofcourse said I was not looking for one night stands and that I thought it was cool he was looking to experience other things in life.

 

Another thing we spoke about was the insecurity of gay guys. He spoke about how he often thought he was fat or could lose a few pounds, and I said he didn't need to. He had a good body and was definitely not fat, he had an average amount on him and I thought he looked great - no need to lose or gain any. He said he wasn't sure. Also, he told me he was surpised that I would be interested in him - revealing a little chink in his armour of confidence. He was a good looking guy with a nice smile, but maybe he didn't see that. We started talking about how badly gay guys treat themsleves and think of themselves, and it weirdly enough made me feel relieved that most gay guys have these insecurities and it wasn't just me - although I wish we could all be happy with oursleves no matter what but that's not living in the real world I guess.

 

Now this guy is clever. He is very astute and very observant - and he knows it. Tell him the smallest of lies and sooner or later he will find out the truth. He had a great memory and remembered pretty much everything I told him. He made a lot out of himself and is confident in himself. I knew he would be a trusting guy and wasn't a drama queen of any sorts.

We continued talking and soon I realised we had been at that table for a couple of hours! They flew by! I had told this guy so much about me including that no one in my life knew I was gay, when I knew, when I started to act on it, what I had done with guys, where I had been etc. The thing is though I really enjoyed that conversation. I don't often talk of enjoying conversations, but this one was different. To be honest I didn't want the conversation to end. It was like a release had been switched and I was unloading all of my stresses and worried and thoughts. It felt a bit liberating. Funnily enough after I had disclosed all of this my world didn't fall apart lol. I left that place feeling really secure and comfortable in myself, something I guess has eluded me for a while. It was strange how this guy who I barely knew now knows my inner secrets whereas family and friends are still kept in the dark.

Our time together came to an end, and although he wanted to leave the door open for us and said he wanted to see me again I thought it was best to stay friends as I don't think I felt quite the same as him. I also was kind of a bit rude in that I wasn't even clear if we would meet again in future as friends - a consequence of my cowardice at having revealed so much of myself to him. I still have his number though and he still has mine, who knows maybe we will meet again for a drink and remain friends.

This London malarky is getting more complicated by the day!