Does Gay Love Really Exist?

Hey all

Time for my posts to get a little deeper - I thought I would tackle love! Does 'gay love' really exist in the world? A common stereotype for gay people is that they don't have meaningful long lasting relationships - is it really easier for a heterosexual couple to fall in love than a homosexual one?

Well, first thing's first, I've never been in love and to be honest I doubt I will be anytime soon. The thought of it is exciting though. I've definitely really fancied some guys but I don't think I've seen enough of any one guy in order for me to develop stronger feelings for them - a problem of still not being out and not willing to consistently put myself out there. However, I've seen gay couples when out and about and I always think its really sweet when they show affection for one another. I remember once seeing a guy greet his boyfriend on the platform at Brighton station - when his boyfriend got off the train and walked up to him he genlty placed his hand at the bottom of his boyfriend's back and held it there for a little while (long enough to let me know they were gay!) and ushered him along whilst cheerfully walking away. They were quite masculine guys and I don't know if they usually limit their displays of affection in public but I remember thinking what a subtle way to discreetly care for his partner when they both know they might have been stared at if they were to properly embrace.

There are many stereotypes which people recklessly apply to a gay adult man but one that I find particularly offensive is the one that he is cruisey and would rather sleep around town than have a real monogomous relationship. I don't know how this steroetype was formed - probably to demonise gays in past decades and associate them with promiscuous activity. I can say however that I have met gays that are this way, but also many that aren't and are repelled at the thought of having one night stands.

 

How do we define 'love'? An Oxford web definition states that it is 'a strong feeling of affection'. That definition seems a bit lacklustre to me... I don't know about you but when I think of love I think of my mood being lifted at the thought of seeing someone, not wanting a night to end when we're together or just remeniscing over past experiences together - but hey that's all a bit academic at the moment. I guess I'm a bit of an old romantic! Who knew...

Is it true that there is less pressure for gays to stay together than straights? More often than not they don't have to "stay together for the kids" and because society still doesn't really expect them to achieve any significant length in their commitments to each other there is less pressure for them to continue with one another if they feel they are not suited anymore. But I don't think I would go as far to say that they haven't got as much to lose, life isn't always measured in offspring and joint mortgages!

How does the media depict gay love? Unfortunately gay relationships and love scenes in tv shows and movies are still deemed somewhat contraversial. God knows why. They are as natural as heterosexual ones. I remember when a gay storyline in Eastenders (a UK soap) between Christian and Syed featured a scene where they were both lying in the same bed. Some people complained apparently. No doubt these are the same people who cry that they are "protecting the children" and "not homophobes". Homophobes take many forms, the obvious one is the thug in the street but a more subtle one is the person who fires off an email to the BBC for a simple gay scene in a soap.

If I ever fall in love I hope it will be like how it is in the movies, but unforunately I'm all too aware that life is more complex and things rarely follow the light hearted comedic plots of rom-coms. To be able to feel so much for another man would be pretty great, and whenever I hear about gay guys getting married or having been together for X many years I always secretly cheer them on and hope the best for them...to do so explicity amongst some people I know may cause an argument...but that argument is one which I'm thinking I want to have soon, as some people just need to wake up and smell the croissants! lol OK I promise to never say that again...anyway

So, returning to the question, the answer is...NO. There is no such thing as "gay love", it doesn't exist I'm afraid - just as "straight love" doesn't exist. There is only "love". The answer was obvious from the outset, but through the convolusions of this post I had to explore a little more widely. I guess it sounds cheesy to say it doesn't matter whether the love is between a man and a woman or two men (or two women) but its true. If two people love each other then I think that's pretty awesome and life is too short to worry about the bigotry of others. More and more I'm realising that you've got to fight for what you want in this world because some people somewhere are constantly trying to screw you over and trying to get theirs and so you've got to get yours!
 

So here's to all the lovers out there! Have a drink on me!

GayLadForLife   ;-)