Is The Gay Scene Superficial?

Hey guys n gals!

I thought I would write a little about how I pereceive the gay scene in London/Brighton and whether it really is as superficial as it seems.

Parts of the gay scene are definitely extremely superficial - and these are the parts that the gay world is known for as it is the most full on and in your face. Many bars are decorated with pictures of hunky shirtless guys looking at you with one eyebrow raised and have muscle dudes beehind the bar waiting to take your order - it all looks very nice and makes everyone a lil horny no doubt. But I wonder what the cost of this is - I remember reading a study done on the mental health of gay men and how some tend to have more anxiety/body dysmorphic disorders - I think this may result from the pressure to look like all the gay guys we see in magazines - regular guys with a bit of a belly and who are balding a bit can still be sexy I think - I find it is more about a guy's attitude quite often than just what they look like - I would much rather spend time with a funny and/or interesting guy than a hot muscle dude who has nothing to say and is checking everyone out all the time.

I've also found it weird how the gay community treats porn stars. Straight porn stars don't go to a big straight nightclub and try and DJ whilst signing stuff for "fans", but gay ones seem to all the time! They are basically worshipped for what they look like and what they can do with their dicks.

When I heard about Erik Rhodes - the gay pornstar who died of heart failure after using drink and drugs to dangerous levels - it made me really sad. Apparently he had had a blog on tumblr or something and it was called "my relationship with misery", this man who had everything most gay guys want - good looks, a big member and lots of money - still longed for something more in his life. I wonder how many times he thought about all of this stuff to himself and how he so wanted to be happy - probably too many for most to handle - he seemed like a really nice guy.

When I first went out on the scene by myself it was quite full on. There were transvestities walking around entertaining people and very flamboyant characters were everywhere. It seemed the gay-ness was very in your face and non-stop - I guess that's to be expected in some of these places looking back - I know now the huge variety there is on the gay scene but back then those first few bars I went to were all about the superficial. Indeed, seeing the poles on the dancefloor in one club made me laugh, I thought oh god these guys don't hold back do they! Also, something else I learned very quickly - it is way more fun if you go out with friends - although this is hard for someone closeted like me - it really can make the difference on a night out and the time I have been in a group are the times when I've met more people and been more relaxed.

Leaving bars to one side, I have also been to some really nice and relaxed gay pubs, which I guess are technically part of the scene still but you tend to find older guys there and not loads of young camp guys - I think after my brief time on the scene I'm starting to gravitate more towards pubs than clubs and bars - I like being able to talk to a guy and thumping music can make that very hard at times! That's not to say I won't be going to bars and clubs in the future - I do like to dance and they can be really fun - but I think that when I'm in my 30s you will have better luck seeing me playing darts in a pub then downing shots off a bar.

The attitude some gays have at these places is horrible - when they pick people apart for not looking a certain way, whenever I have been with someone who starts mocking a chubby guy in the room, or whispering about "the ugly guy over there" I'm immediately turned off by them - growing up I knew some people that struggled with how they look and taking the mick out of someone for something they can't control is so sad - I think I'm an average looking guy and get enough attention to be happy but just don't get why some guys feel the need to do that. Luckily enough, I think I can suss these guys out quite quick and so tend not to involve myself with them - life is too short.

So, do I think the gay scene is superficial? Yes, definitely! But that's not all it is. It's true that having half naked handsome guys everywhere gets us interested because it appeals to our animal instincts of attraction and lust, but behind every muscled up shirtless guy in a club is someone just like you and me - who no doubt has all the insecurities of everyone else and is fearful of the things we all fear - growing old alone, not finding true love, and not being accepted.

I know that was a bit of a random and disjointed piece (I am improving slowly! trust me!), but what do you think?

GayLadForLife